12 Steppers

12steppers.org is a resource website providing information on 12 step programs, the 12 step method and recovery from addiction via the 12 steps. We are not affiliated with any 12-step fellowships and we make no claims related to the efficacy or official endorsement of the 12-step programs discussed on our site. Our content is intended for informational purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment. The purpose of 12steppers.org is to provide the most up-to-date, accurate information about how 12 step programs can help those in need.

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The 8th Step and Making a List of All People We Have Harmed

Step 8 – Making a List of All People We Have Harmed

12 Steps / By / 5 minutes of reading

In step 8, we “made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all”. In the throes of our addiction we have created a great deal of damage in the lives of others. In order to reach true recovery, we need to face the hurt we have caused to others through our actions before we can truly lift the pall of shame in our lives.

This step is crucial to our recovery. You may have already apologized for many of your worst actions. But saying you are “sorry” and actually making amends are two very different things. In this step we start to go beyond merely taking account of our flaws and bad behavior, and prepare to do something about it. A recovered and spiritually healthy individual takes responsibility for their behavior but also acts to make things better and be a positive force in the world. That effort starts here.

Who should be included in you list?

Make a list of the people you feel you have hurt through your actions. This is a deliberate process. Take your time and calmly evaluate your actions, why they were wrong and who the primary victims of your actions may be. Write down the people who come to mind, in no particular order.

If a name pops into your head during this process, there is usually a good reason. The point is to include people you have harmed or hurt, without accounting for the circumstances. Therefore, indiscriminately include people you hurt before, during and after your addiction. Include people who you may have hurt quite mildly, at least in your opinion. At this point you are also not concerned over whether they will want to hear from you or not or even if the individuals on the list are living or dead.

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The 7th Step & Humbly Asking to Remove Our Shortcomings

Step 7 – Humbly Asking our Higher Power to Remove Our Shortcomings

12 Steps / By / 2 minutes of reading

In step 7 we build on this willingness and appeal to our Higher Power. Here we “Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.” At this point we start to take action towards removing our shortcomings.

Our flaws vary wildly. However, they all do have something in common. They all encourage and sustain a self-absorbed and selfish way of life. Therefore, one way to work on the removal of our defects is to think more about helping those around us and less about promoting or own narrow interests.

Therefore, humility should guide us throughout this process. As we work through all the steps, but this step in particular, we should cultivate that sense that the world does not revolve around us. That there is no justification for our holding on to flaws which hurt others. However, always remember that humility is not a form of self-negation or hatred. Humble person understands that while the world does not revolve around them, they are worthy and deserving of happiness.

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Step 6 Contemplation

Step 6 – Becoming Ready to Have God Remove Our Defects

12 Steps / By / 3 minutes of reading

Step 6 comes after we have made a full inventory of our flaws and admitted them before ourselves, others and our Higher Power. After all you and others have suffered as a result of your addiction, and the deep and unforgiving self-examination of the previous steps: there should be plenty of things you want to change about yourself!

Becoming Ready to Have God Remove Defects of Character

At this point, we “were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” This is the natural progression from the admission that we are powerless over our addiction and the acceptance that only our Higher Power can help us break the hold addiction has on our lives.

In this step, we do not demand that our Higher Power remove our defects. Rather, we simply become and remain ready for the removal of our flaws. This means we vow to do the best we can to improve ourselves and to stop sabotaging ourselves with self-destructive behavior.

Of course, change does not happen magically overnight. We must be willing to patiently and slowly improve ourselves, with the help of our Higher Power. But we may be surprised at how much difference our willingness makes. After all, our Higher Power wants the best for us. It is our obstinate clinging to a destructive path which hampers recovery and makes us cling to our worst flaws.

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5th Step and Admitting out Wrongs

Step 5 – The Importance of Admitting our Wrongs

12 Steps / By / 5 minutes of reading

In this step, we: “admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” The process of working this step is incredibly simple. We openly share the content of the fearless moral inventory made in the previous step, with another person, and with our Higher Power.

However, admitting to our worst deeds can be challenging and frightening. As human beings, we are very protective of our egos. We seek quite consciously to inflate our egos by feeling better about ourselves and avoid anything that will deflate it. But step 5, like many other steps in this program, forces us in the other direction. It brings out our humility. However, it is utterly essential. The shame we feel over our addiction and the actions we committed under its influence feed our destructive behavior.

We have essentially admitted our wrongs to ourselves in the previous steps, particularly in step 4. In step 5, we share the inventory we arrived at in the previous step. However, step 5 reminds us that this process is never fully complete. We must continue to examine our faults honestly and completely throughout this process. If this means we need to go back to the inventory of our flaws and misdeeds again, we should do so fearlessly before proceeding with the next step.

However, admitting our wrongs to ourselves is not enough. We now see our past with greater clarity and that is a step in the right direction. However, that also means we have more shame and pain to deal with. If we do not share the burden, we will continue to struggle with the shame of our past deeds alone.

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4th Step - Searching and fearless moral inventory

Step 4 – Why it’s Important and What a ‘Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory’ Means

12 Steps / By / 5 minutes of reading

We did not end up with a serious addiction by living a perfect life and enjoying a flawless character.

In step 4 we look at our flaws and “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” This starts by looking at the root causes of our addiction and the damage we have done as a result. But as we delve deeper, we can also see that we have many other imperfections and have made morally questionable choices unrelated or peripherally related to our addiction.

Step 4 involves a voyage of self-discovery requiring a great deal of humility and honesty.

There are two opposing but equally treacherous dangers when working on your moral inventory. One is to let ourselves off too easily and blame all of our flaws and behavior either on other people or on the circumstance. Many addicts think that they are morally blameless because of their addiction, but ultimately no matter what the circumstances are, we are all responsible for our behavior and all of its consequences.

If we do not take full responsibility for our behavior, we will not own our recovery either. The 12-step process is built on acknowledging our wrongs, making amends for them, and improving the world around us by giving back. The ability to understand and acknowledge our flaws and wrongs is an essential step down that road.

Step 4 – Why it’s Important and What a ‘Searching and Fearless Moral Inventory’ Means Read More »

2nd Step in 12 Step Programs and What 'a Power Greater than Ourselves' Means

Step 2 – What ‘a Power Greater than Ourselves’ Means

12 Steps / By / 4 minutes of reading

The Big Book of AA and the other 12-step programs, describe step two as the process by which we “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

In the first step, we admit we are utterly powerless over our addiction. We saw that the life we had led thus far had led us to misery and desperation. Our attempts to solve this on our own had led us nowhere. It was time to pursue a new path.

The two first steps are about humility. We accept that we need help in our lives generally and in overcoming addiction specifically.

The successful completion of this step can have a dramatic effect on our lives from here on out. From a life where we believed in nothing but ourselves, we will embark on one where we believe in something higher. From a life of chaos, we will emerge with a plan and a reason to live and stay sober.

We had made an explicit admission of defeat in the previous step. Thankfully, the second is about the restoration of hope. Despite our inability to control our own life, our life is controllable. This is a constructive surrender rather than a destructive one. It is time to place control in the hands of a Great Power.

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First Step and What it Means to Admit Powerlessness in 12 Step Programs

Step 1 – What it Means to Admit Powerlessness

12 Steps / By / 3 minutes of reading

The Philosophy behind the First Step

The 1st step is an incredibly powerful one. As our problems with addiction grew, we hid them from others and ourselves. We pretended that we had the answers and could control our behavior. When we hurt others, we often blamed them. As we did so, our instincts and judgement led us astray over and over.

Our addiction has bled us dry. Many of us lost careers, marriages, friends, and ourselves as we succumbed.

Part of the problem is that we are taught to always remain in control and to win at all costs. Admitting you are a powerless addict seems like a form of defeat and something inside our very being rebels against that notion.

Don’t worry. This is only a partial admission of defeat. What you are admitting is that the means you have used so far to control your life have failed. But you are also getting ready to walk on a new path of recovery, one which will ultimately see you overcome and defeat addiction.

The 1st step is where we let go of this pathology. Our attempts to control our own lives have fallen short. When we fail to gain control, our instinct is to try to hold on to control even tighter. However, in this step we act counterintuitively and let go instead.

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3rd Step and the Third Step Prayer

Step 3 – The 3rd Step Prayer of AA & NA

12 Steps / By / 11 minutes of reading

The primary means by which any 12-step fellowship encourages its members to approach sobriety is by methodically working the steps. The 3rd step is a massive one, ending the early stages of the steps. As recounted in the Big Book of AA, this step calls on members to have “decided to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.”

This is a highly significant moment. In the first two steps, we admitted our lives had become unmanageable and that a Higher Power could restore us to sanity. We saw that we have not been good for ourselves. Instead of making good and healthy decisions, we have constantly tripped ourselves up. We realized in this process that we needed to get out of our way. It was time to, according to a well-worn AA saying to “let go and let God.”

Here we take that knowledge and apply it. This is why the third step is considered the first “action step.” The first two, involve a crucial process of acceptance, contemplation, and reflection. Meanwhile, the third step involves the act of surrendering some of our most destructive behavior in favor of a healthy and productive relationship with a Higher Power.

We cease clinging to our attempt to control our own lives, which have led us to increasingly dark places in our lives. Instead, we allow ourselves to believe in and follow the path intended for us by the Higher Power we have chosen.

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The 9th Step and the 9th Step Promises

Step 9 – The 9th Step Promises and Making Amends

12 Steps / By / 6 minutes of reading

The 9th step is the culmination of the inventory we have made of our flaws. In the throes of our addiction, we may have committed a litany of moral and ethically indefensible actions. We have stolen, cheated, lied, betrayed, assaulted, or abused others. By the time we reach this step, we should be able to identify, recognize, and take responsibility for these actions.

With the realization of how deeply we have hurt others through our addiction, we understand that amends must be made. In this step, we attempt to remove some of the debris created in the past through our actions.

We complete the step when we have “made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” The book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions tells us that we are ready to work this step when we have attained: “the readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine.”

For many recovering addicts, this is the most difficult step to accomplish. In working most steps, we work with ourselves and our reliable partners: our Higher Power, sponsor, and group. The 9th step brings in many unpredictable people. Some of whom we have seriously harmed. It is perfectly understandable to be apprehensive and anxious about their response Maybe they hate us? Maybe they want revenge?

As recovering addicts, we fear the loss of control we experienced in our darkest days. This step is accompanied by the terrible realization that we have no control over the response of the people we have harmed. We will likely have wonderful experiences and very difficult ones.

However, we must proceed for two reasons. First, this is not about us. At least not fully. It is about other people. It is about the people we have hurt in the past. However, it is equally designed for the people in your life now and in the future. By facing the consequences of our previous actions, we become more aware of the terrible cost of our behavior. This will make us less likely to take equally destructive actions in the future. Working the steps has likely made you a less selfish and self-centered individual. This step will reinforce that trend significantly.

Second, this will make you feel a lot better than you realize. As addicts, we walk around with a tremendous amount of shame and guilt regarding our actions. As a result, we think of ourselves as flawed and immoral people. We feel like we are unable to be happy and do not deserve happiness anyway. The self-flagellation involved makes us more likely to relapse than anything else.

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12 step AA meeting concept

Different Types of AA Meetings – Meeting Types Explained

12 Step Meetings, Alcoholics Anonymous / By / 5 minutes of reading

When you imagine going to AA meetings, you may think of a fairly simple set up. People introducing themselves as alcoholics and telling their stories. Indeed, the official purpose of AA meetings is for members to “share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism.” Almost all meetings have certain characteristics in common. The serenity prayer starts the proceedings. Some AA material is read and people share. Finally, there is almost always coffee involved!

However, aside from these common characteristics, meetings can differ greatly. Indeed, as the fellowship has grown and evolved, different types of meetings have been pioneered to suit its growing needs. Here are the main types of meetings currently open to attendance.

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