Step 4 Sex Conduct Inventory Worksheet With Example
A free, judgment-free sex inventory for AA, NA, Al-Anon and every other 12 step program.
Download the Free Step 4 Sex Inventory Worksheet
Updated: November 2026
This is the part of Step 4 a lot of people quietly dread. That’s understandable. It’s also usually less frightening on paper than it is in your head, especially once you know what this inventory does and doesn’t ask of you.
This free 10-page worksheet includes a relationships and behaviors prompt list, a six-column chart based on the Big Book’s questions, a worked example and prompts to shape your ideal for the future.
This worksheet is also part of the complete Step 4 worksheet with questions, which covers every Step 4 inventory.
Step 4: "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."
What the Sex Inventory Is, and Isn’t
The Big Book is unusually direct here. It says it doesn’t want to be anyone’s judge of sex conduct (page 69). This inventory isn’t about your orientation, your identity or consensual choices that fit your values.
It’s about harm. Where were you selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate? Whom did you hurt? The goal, in the Big Book’s words, is a “sane and sound ideal” for the future (page 69). Shame isn’t the point, and it isn’t required.
How to Fill Out the Sex Conduct Chart
On page 69, the Big Book lists the questions to ask about past relationships. The chart turns each one into a column:
| Column | What to write |
| 1. Whom did I hurt? | Each person, using initials if you prefer. You can include yourself. |
| 2. What happened? | A brief overview in a sentence or two. No graphic detail is needed. |
| 3. Was I… | Check selfish, dishonest or inconsiderate. |
| 4. Did I arouse… | Check whether your actions unjustifiably caused jealousy, suspicion or bitterness. |
| 5. Where was I at fault? | Your part, and what you were hoping to gain. |
| 6. What should I have done instead? | What a healthy, honest choice would have looked like. |
Step 4 Sex Inventory Example
| Whom did I hurt? | What happened? | Checked | Where was I at fault? | What should I have done instead? |
| My ex-partner | After an argument, I flirted openly with a coworker at a party to make her jealous. | Selfish, inconsiderate, jealousy, bitterness | I wanted to punish her and feel wanted. I made her feel humiliated in front of friends. | Left the party, cooled off and talked it through honestly the next day. |
Notice how little detail the entry needs. Your sponsor needs to understand what happened, not hear every moment of it. Brief and honest beats long and graphic every time.
What to Include in Your Sex Inventory
You don’t have to list every relationship you’ve ever had. Focus on the ones where harm, dishonesty or selfishness played a part. These prompts can help:
- People: a spouse or partner, former spouses and partners, dates, casual partners, a partner’s family or friends and yourself.
- Behaviors: cheating, lying about where you were, hiding a relationship, pressuring someone, using sex for approval or control, flirting to provoke jealousy, broken commitments and disappearing without a word.
- Patterns: rushing into relationships, using relationships to escape, choosing secrecy, acting against your values, blaming partners and repeating the same fights.
If sex or relationships feel like the core of your addiction rather than one part of it, a dedicated fellowship may help. Our guide to SLAA, SAA, SA and other sex and love addiction programs explains the differences.
If You Were the One Who Was Harmed
This matters enough to say plainly. Sexual abuse or assault done to you is not your sex conduct, and it is not your fault. Don’t list it in this chart as something you did.
If memories like these come up, please consider talking with a counselor who specializes in trauma, alongside your sponsor. Our guide to staying safe in 12 step programs also covers boundaries in the rooms. If you feel unsafe, call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline any time.
Shaping Your Ideal for the Future
Once the chart is done, the Big Book suggests shaping an ideal for the future and asking for help to live up to it. It offers a simple test for each relationship: is it selfish or not (page 69)?
It’s realistic, too. If we fall short, the suggestion is to be honest about it, learn from it and keep growing rather than giving up (page 70). The worksheet closes with four prompts to help you put your ideal into words, including what you’ll do when you notice old patterns creeping back.
What Comes After Your Sex Inventory
People you hurt here may also belong on your Step 4 harms list, which becomes the start of your Step 8 list. If you haven’t written your resentment inventory or fear inventory yet, those often shed light on why relationship patterns repeat.
Amends come much later, in Step 8’s list of people harmed and Step 9, with your sponsor’s guidance. For now, the only job is an honest inventory you’ll share in Step 5.
Sex Inventory FAQs
How much detail should I include?
Very little. A sentence or two per entry is enough. Your sponsor needs to understand what happened and your part, not the specifics.
Do I have to list every past relationship?
No. Focus on relationships where harm, dishonesty or selfishness played a part. Healthy, honest relationships don’t need to go on the chart.
Who should see my sex inventory?
Only the person you choose for Step 5, usually your sponsor. Use initials if it helps you feel safer, and store your inventory somewhere private.
Is the sex inventory about my sexual orientation?
No. The Big Book says it doesn’t want to judge anyone’s sex conduct (page 69). The inventory looks at harm and honesty, not identity or consensual choices.
Can I use this sex inventory outside of AA?
Yes. It works in any 12 step fellowship, from NA to Al-Anon to sex and love addiction programs. Use it alongside your own fellowship’s literature.
Additional Resources
- Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. “Chapter 5: How It Works.” Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition.
- Alcoholics Anonymous World Services. “The Twelve Steps.” Alcoholics Anonymous.
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. “SAMHSA’s National Helpline.” SAMHSA.
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. “988 Lifeline.” 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.